How to stop being jealous: A complete guide to overcoming the green-eyed monster.

So how to stop being jealous? The key is learning to process these feelings in healthy ways.

Catching jealousy before it takes over:

Here’s something nobody tells you about jealousy: it’s sneaky. It doesn’t always show up wearing a name tag saying, “Hi, I’m jealousy!” Sometimes, it disguises itself as a feeling of anger, sadness, or even just feeling “off”. When these feelings arise, you might find yourself asking “why am I jealous?”.

Your warning signs might look different, but here are some common ones: you can’t stop thinking about the person or situation that’s bothering you, you’re constantly comparing yourself to others and coming up short, you feel physically tense – maybe your jaw is clenched, or maybe your stomach is in knots, you’re finding fault with people who usually wouldn’t bother you, or you’re avoiding certain people or situations because they make you feel bad about yourself.

The magic happens when you catch these signs early. Instead of spiraling into full jealousy mode, you can pause and think: “Okay, what’s really going on here? What am I afraid of? What do I need right now?”

Question those jealous thoughts:

Your brain on jealousy is basically a master storyteller – and not the good kind. It loves to spin dramatic stories about worst-case scenarios and convince you that your fears are definitely, absolutely, 100% going to come true. The problem? Most of these stories are complete fiction.

When jealous thoughts start swirling, try becoming your own fact-checker. Ask yourself: “What do I actually know for sure here? What am I assuming? What would I tell my best friend if they thought this way?”

Then practice reframing those thoughts into something more balanced and realistic. Instead of saying, “Sarah got that promotion because she’s better than me and I’ll never succeed,” maybe try to say, “Sarah worked really hard for that promotion, and there will be other opportunities for me too.” Instead of “My boyfriend will definitely leave me for someone prettier,” consider “My boyfriend chose to be with me, and I can focus on being the best partner I can be.”

This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is fine. It’s about being honest with yourself about what’s real versus what’s your anxious brain running wild with worst-case scenarios.

Focus on your own growth:

One of the most effective ways to combat jealousy is to redirect that energy toward your personal development. When you focus on improving yourself and pursuing your goals, you have less mental space for jealous thoughts.

Start by identifying areas where you’d like to grow. If you’re jealous of a colleague’s success, what skills could you develop to advance your own career? Suppose you’re envious of someone’s relationship. How can you strengthen your connections or work on being a better partner?

Set specific, actionable goals for yourself. Instead of vaguely wanting to “be more successful,” define what success looks like for you, then create a plan to achieve it. Anything’s possible, after all. It might involve learning new skills. It might include networking. Or it might involve improving your health or working on personal development.

Remember that everyone’s journey is different. Someone else’s success doesn’t diminish your own potential for achievement.

Practice gratitude:

Gratitude is jealousy’s antidote. When you’re focused on what you’re thankful for in your own life, it’s much harder to feel envious of others. Make gratitude a daily practice, regularly express appreciation to people in your life, and take time to notice and savor positive moments.

When jealousy strikes, immediately shift your focus to something you’re grateful for. This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything is perfect – it’s about training your brain to notice the good things that already exist in your life.

Improve your self-esteem:

Strong self-esteem is one of the best defenses against jealousy. When you feel confident in your own worth and abilities, you’re less likely to feel threatened by others’ successes or relationships.

Work on building self-esteem by celebrating your own achievements, no matter how small. Note down your accomplishments, any positive feedback, or moments when you felt proud of yourself. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same level of kindness you’d show a good friend.

Challenge your inner critic when it tries to tear you down. Notice when you’re being unnecessarily harsh with yourself and consciously choose more supportive self-talk. Remember that your worth isn’t determined by comparison to others – you have inherent value.

Communicate openly:

Honest communication can be incredibly helpful if your jealousy involves relationships with others. This doesn’t mean accusatory confrontations or demanding reassurance every time you feel insecure. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings constructively and working together to address concerns.

With romantic partners, you might say something like: “I’ve been feeling insecure when you spend time with your coworker. I know this is my issue to work on, but I’d appreciate some reassurance about our relationship.” This approach takes responsibility for your feelings while still allowing your partner to support you.

In friendships or professional relationships, you might address jealousy by focusing on your own needs: “I’ve been feeling left out lately. Could we plan some one-on-one time together?” or “I’d love to learn more about how you achieved that success.”

Limit social media consumption:

Social media can be a jealousy factory. People typically share their highlight reels, not their behind-the-scenes struggles, creating an unrealistic standard for comparison. If social media triggers your jealousy, consider taking breaks or curating your feeds more carefully.

Unfollow or mute accounts that consistently make you feel bad about yourself. Follow accounts that inspire you instead. Remember that social media presents a filtered version of reality. Everyone has challenges and struggles that don’t make it into their posts.

Think about setting specific times for social media usage rather than scrolling mindlessly throughout the day. This can help you be more intentional about your consumption and reduce the likelihood of stumbling across triggering content.

Develop emotional regulation skills:

Learning to manage your emotional responses is incredibly helpful for overcoming jealousy. Try techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or journaling to calm your nervous system when jealous feelings arise.

Practice the “STOP” technique: Stop what you’re doing, Take a breath, Observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, and Proceed with intention rather than reaction. This creates space between your initial emotional response and your actions, allowing you to respond more thoughtfully.

Regular exercise, proper sleep, and stress management all support emotional regulation. You’re better equipped to handle challenging emotions like jealousy when you’re physically and mentally healthy.

Seek support when needed:

Sometimes jealousy can be overwhelming or deeply rooted in past experiences, making it difficult to overcome on your own. When this happens, reaching out for support can make all the difference.

Start with the people around you – especially friends, family members, or support groups who can provide encouragement as you work through these feelings. You might also find an app like 101feelings helpful, which is designed to help you identify, understand, and work through complex emotions like jealousy with guided prompts and reflection exercises.

For deeper, persistent issues, therapy can be particularly valuable. A therapist can help address underlying contributors to jealousy, such as attachment insecurities, past traumas, or persistent low self-esteem, while helping you to develop personalized strategies for managing jealousy and building healthier relationship patterns.